I have been thinking about exposing my homewrecker”Julie Swart” for over a year now. You might wonder what took me so long. Well, I tried to reach out and talk to Julie Swart to make peace. I guess I was hoping for some kind of apology. Of course, that didn’t happen, so I guess this is the recourse I’m taking to get some closure and finally let this go. Aside from that, I suspect she is a serial homewrecker/cheater, and I don’t want anyone else to get hurt.
So here’s my story. My fiance and I were having problems. That’s how stories like this typically start out. We’d been together for over 11 years at this point, though the history of our relationship spans 22. The problems mainly stemmed from an injury I sustained that March while exercising. That injury left me in a wheelchair for three months.
At the same time I was in a wheelchair, my fiance’s childhood friend moved back into town. This childhood friend was, for lack of a better word, a Casanova who was always dating multiple women. So my fiance was hanging out with this guy all the time (to be fair, they were working some of the time, but often wouldn’t come home until very late at night) while I was literally stuck in a chair, unable to get up or do much of anything (including chasing our kids, who were totally taking advantage and running wild). He didn’t cheat on me while this was going on, but I grew more and more resentful of his behavior and lack of caring.
So I was angry. And I was angry because he hadn’t had a real job (aside from two weeks of side jobs here and there) in three years. I went back to work before I was out of the wheelchair. He stayed at home and played video games. So yes, I was angry and I acted like it. I feel that my anger was justified, but it strained our communications and things got worse and worse. I could have handled it better.
This all culminated in us breaking up in September in a pretty bad way. In October, we got back together. I regretted how resentful and angry I was and I was really trying to make things work. I think, because of the influence of his friend I talked about earlier, who was having so much fun dating dozens and dozens of women from OK Cupid, that he started to wonder what he was missing out on.
So he comes to me and tells me he wants to try having an open relationship. I loved him. I wanted to give him what he needed, and while I really wasn’t open to sharing, I thought it would be something that passed pretty quickly and I understood why he might want to do it. I appreciated that he was being honest with me, and honesty was the most important thing.
We set up rules, like that we got approval on who we dated and that emotional involvement or anything other than sex was off limits. We had to tell each other before sleeping with someone, etc. Well, I was right about it passing quickly. The entire ordeal of “open relationship” lasted about a week. He talked to a few girls on OK Cupid, and met three of them for “dates” on the same day. He didn’t sleep with any of them or even like them romantically.
The next week, he tells me he’s no longer interested in having an open relationship. That the dates he went on were enough for him to see he loved me and only wanted to be with me. I am so relieved and glad it’s over. He told me he thought he just needed a female friend and he’d been talking to his friend Julie Swart, and silly me, thinking he was honest, was OK with that. He made a big deal about her needing his help. He said Julie Swart had drug problems in the past. Julie Swart had actually gone to prison for robbing a drug store, and he wanted to “help” her in getting her life together. He said Julie Swart wronged all her friends and they all saw her as a junkie, that Julie Swart needed a friend who didn’t see her that way.
So he was going to hang out with her about once a week, and he’d tell me about it when I got home from work. Sometimes he’d give her rides to work and the grocery. They were playing a lot of Words With Friends together. I sort of knew her from when we were all teenagers, and I guess I assumed Julie Swart was trying to be a good person. Like Julie Swart was just someone who’d made mistakes and wanted to make a better life for herself. I was actually proud of him for helping her and I was glad for her for getting her life together after so many problems. I wanted to hang out with her and get to know her, too. We liked a lot of the same things (ugh…if I’d only known the extent).
So I kept asking when I was going to get to meet Julie Swart, and I kept getting brushed off with plausible (I guess) excuses. About three weeks in, I started getting suspicious. One day, I came home and he was gone and he’d left his Facebook open. Julie Swart written him a message asking what he wanted from the grocery store. I thought this was a little odd, and I scrolled up the messages. They looked suspicious but they were not directly incriminating (I later learned he’d deleted the incriminating messages). I confronted him about it. I told him I didn’t want some other woman buying food for him because that was my job. I told him I suspected something was up and he said I was, of course, “being paranoid.”
We argued about it that night. The next day, I just couldn’t stop thinking about it. I knew in my gut that something was wrong. Another thing was that he’d locked his phone, which he’d never done before. That night, after he went to sleep, I broke into his phone. It wasn’t hard. He was using the pattern password and it was brightly smudged onto the glass. So I get in there and I see nothing but talk about sex and my fears are confirmed.
Though he had erased the bad messages on facebook, he couldn’t erase the ones they’d made to each other on Words With Friends (which they were using as a vehicle for their shitty behavior), and he thought I was locked out of his phone, so he left the text messages, too. It turned out that they’d been sleeping together since the beginning of their rekindled friendship. Julie Swart knew we were together, and he had even talked to her about meeting me and pretending nothing was going on. Julie Swart knew we had children, and Julie Swart was really trying to break up our home. I could see right through her manipulations.
Here are the things Julie Swart did that pissed me off the most:
Showing off pictures of my man to her friends at work and telling everyone she was f****** him.
Saying lots of little things to hint that he should break up with me and be with her…like I said before…underhanded manipulations like indirectly comparing herself to me, saying their bodies were meant for each other, saying Julie Swart was twisted that he broke up with me before but he couldn’t leave me for her…even hinting that they should let their kids (my kids!) play together…just generally acting like I would be out of the picture and one day, they would be one big happy family. Julie Swart basically had no clue that she wasn’t going to be able to wreck this home.
Pretending to be all about “recovery” and AA…saying Julie Swart wanted to live an honest life (Ha!) and be a good person (Ha!Ha!Ha!) while carrying on a huge deception and sleeping with a practically married man…not to mention potentially breaking apart a family and robbing our children of a dad (i.e. hurting people).
So after I found out, I confronted him, and I told him it was me or her. I knew things had been troubled between us, and I understood, in some ways, what he was thinking. I have forgiven him. I don’t even bring it up anymore. But for some reason, I can’t seem to forgive her. Because of how things happened…because I trusted them to be friends and even wanted to help her, too, even though I know she never directly lied to my face, I have been having a lot more trouble forgiving her. I feel like she never had to face any consequences for her actions. I feel like she’s someone who has done this before and would do it again. So basically, me exposing her is the consequence, and now I can let that b**** go.
Things are much better for us now. We did get married. He has a full-time job. We moved away from town, and a lot of other things happened that made us see the error of our ways. We’re trying together now, and we’re happy. I just wanted to get rid of this final piece of pain and put it in the past, and hopefully, save another person the pain I went through by exposing her as the phony “good person” she really is.